In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
