i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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