Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Come on in and take your pants off
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