She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
