Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize