we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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