piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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