you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
