just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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