god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
