Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
