If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
