GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
