last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
