I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
