My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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