Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
