Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't think brook has ever known best
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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