i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
