Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
