five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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