its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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