Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize