Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
