Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
