i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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