i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Drunk is not a location!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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