K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
