i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize