The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
