I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
