You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
