i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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