i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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