She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
