so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
