Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
