So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
