butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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