The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
