walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
