There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
