You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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