my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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