Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize