Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
bring money and cleavage
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
