That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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