I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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