YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
