we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
