So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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