he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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