Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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