would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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