I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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