just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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