O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
