see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize