You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
