I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
