1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
