I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
