Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize