there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
