You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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