The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
