Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
