my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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