Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize