I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My penis needs a shock collar
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
