Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
