just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
