People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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