We need to rekindle our bromance
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Send help, water and tortillas.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
