I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
