I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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