I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
