Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
