Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
