I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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