Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
