I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hippo gnu deer
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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