He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She told me I should be a condom model.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
