I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do vagina's smell?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
