do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
