I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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