Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
