my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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