dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
