I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
