how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm determined to sit on that face.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
