you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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