You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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