They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
