Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
