so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
