Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Duck Duck Cougar?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
