Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
