just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
