There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
