I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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