Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize